BREAKING: Cows Start Human Meat Industry

At 2:30 pm on Friday, April 16, The Bovine and Cow Committee announced that they had decided to move forward with the motion to open up human meat factories in response to the beef industry. The first one will be opened in Danesville, Florida. Human volunteers can now join what they're calling "apartments", to be fed and housed until their death. Upon thier passing, apartment workers will process the meat, package it, and ship it off to local super markets.

We interviewed residents of Danesville about their thoughts on this decision, many were excited for the new meat to hit store shelves:

• "I don't really have a problem with it, ya know? I mean, they just like, wanna do their thing and stuff, and that's cool with me. It's gonna be cool bro, like, eating human burgers 'n all. Like, dude."


• While others weren't so thrilled:


• "Honestly, I think it's a little wierd. I don't really think it's something I'd wanna try, you know? Something about it just seems, like, I don't know."

The Bovine and Cow Committee has said they look forward to watching this business venture move forward, but we'll have to see how shoppers react in the coming days.